It's the Cosmopolitan Globalist Christmas Lollapalooza!
Let Traditional Jewish Christmas Begin!
It is our tradition, here at the Cosmopolitan Globalist, to celebrate Christmas with Chinese food, a movie, and a good kvetch about everything being closed and there being nothing to do.
But this Christmas, there’s something to do!
INTRODUCING THE CHRISTMAS LOLLAPALOOZA!
Bookmark this page, because I’ll be updating it all day long with games, debates, questions, photos, faits divers, quizzes, spontaneous podcasts, animal videos, trivia, and contests. Prizes might include subscriptions to CG! The updates may or may not be paywalled! Contests may or may not involve other prizes! We may or may not conclude with a blowout sale! It all depends on my fancy.
I’ll be posting anything that interests or amuses me. Today only: nothing depressing. No wars, no famines, human folly, or American politics. Just for today, CG will be nothing but a garden of amusements and delights.
Of course, most of you will be too busy celebrating Christmas to play along. So this is for everyone who doesn’t celebrate—be they Jewish, Druze, Rastafarian, Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, Sikh, Bahá’í, Shinto, Zoroastrian, Manichaeian, Bábist, Confucian, Taoist, Wicca, Druid, Santeria, Falun Gong, Orthodox, or animist. At last, you have something to do on Christmas! And if you’re a lonely Christian who doesn’t have anywhere to go on Christmas, or if you need to get away from your family for a few minutes lest you commit an unspeakable crime, or if you’re so addicted to your phone that you’re checking out Substack over Christmas dinner—you’re welcome, too.
Do you have an item to contribute? Send me an email.
We can embed TikTok videos?
Wow, I didn’t know!
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The most relaxing sound in the world
A three-minute purr from a three-legged friend. She does this all night long. Almost all day, too, except when she’s deep asleep.
(Don’t worry about the peculiar color of my fingers. It’s not gangrene. I was just painting a picture frame.)
What a purr, no?
Listening to that is making me very sleepy. If I drift off before the next update, we’ll finish the Lollapalooza when I wake up tomorrow morning—and that means the sale will continue overnight!
Just in case I fall asleep: Merry Christmas, everyone!
Bunny the Chatty Sheepadoodle
Newcomb’s Paradox Variation
Now assume both boxes are transparent. Does it change which one you pick?
If you changed the box or boxes you picked—why?
Learn Toki Pona!
This is amazing. Jan Telakoman is one of our readers. Try it. I just finished my first lesson.
SAAAAAAAALLLLLLLEEEE!
Take advantage of this unbelievably low, low price because this sale only lasts for another hour! Or maybe two. Or heck, maybe four. I don’t rightly know yet. It all depends on my mood. But it definitely won’t be here tomorrow, so grab it while you can:
Newcomb’s Paradox
Imagine I’m a superintelligent AI. Every time I make a prediction about human behavior, I get it right.
Now imagine I’m showing you two boxes, A and B. Box A is opaque. I’m going to put either a million dollars or nothing in it. Box B is transparent, and it’s going to have a thousand dollars in it. You can choose A, B, or both A and B.
I’m going to decide how much to put in the boxes based on my prediction about which one you’ll choose. If I predict that you’ll only open box A, I’ll put a million dollars in that box. But if I predict that you’ll open both boxes, I’ll put nothing—zilch, nada, zip—in A.
Got it?
Good. Now wait for a moment while I cogitate. I am carefully appraising your character and your brain waves.
All done. I’ve made my prediction. The money is in the boxes. What’ll it be?
I’ve conducted this test hundreds of thousands of times. I’ve never got it wrong.
(I know you’re not going to choose “only B”—because that would be stupid—so I didn’t ask.)
I’ll reveal my prediction later today. To prove that I’m really making it now, I’ve emailed it to a reader who will vouch for me.
Amuse-bouches
Merry Christmas!
I hope you had excellent Chinese Claire - though I find the thought of vegetarian Chinese a bit baffling. Also, I love when you have these "l'etat c'est moi" moments on GC. Adds flair.
For anyone interested, Walter Russell Mead publishes a fascinating set of posts about Christmas (the holiday’s origins, meanings, etc.) every year. He’s been doing it for over a decade and he posts one essay for each day of the 12 days of Christmas. He revises it a bit every year and it’s a real treat to read. It appears at Providence Magazine and can be found here.
https://providencemag.com/2023/12/the-fourteen-posts-of-christmas-2023-2024-edition/
You don’t need to be Christian to find these essays rewarding, informative and a pleasure to study.