Let Traditional Jewish Christmas Begin!
Peace and good will to those with whom His favor rests?
It is our tradition, here at Claire Berlinski’s Invariably Interesting Thoughts, to celebrate Christmas with Chinese food, a movie, and by kvetching that there’s nothing to do. Merry traditional Jewish Christmas to my Jewish, Druze, Rastafarian, Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, Sikh, Bahá’Ã, Shinto, Zoroastrian, Manichaeian, Bábist, Confucian, Taoist, Wicca, Druid, Santeria, Falun Gong, and plain old Godless friends; to my Muslim friends who think Christmas is important because of Jesus, but who suspect the Santa thing is haram (I get where you’re coming from: my mom couldn’t deal with the Chanukah Bush, either); to my lonely Christian friends who don’t have anywhere to go on Christmas; to my Christian friends who just have to get away from their in-laws for a few minutes or they’re going to lose it; and of course to my Orthodox Christian friends—big shout-out to Adorable Orthodox Kid 1 and Adorable Orthodox Kid 2 in Texas: You know who you are! Or your father does, anyway.
And while I’m delivering personal Traditional Jewish Christmas messages to adorable kids in faraway places: Hey Leeeeo! Check this out!)
Actually, you should all check that out, and do it now before the lions eat him. (After that, none of us will be able to watch those amazing videos without feeling queasy.)
Traditional Jewish Christmas Advice
I have important advice to you on this traditional, beautiful, magical day.
DON’T KILL YOURSELF.
I was going to present you with the research showing that you’re at high risk of doing so today, and tell you that if you’re thinking of ending it all today, send me an e-mail and I’ll dissuade you—and I’ll send some Egg Foo Yung to your apartment, too. But then I looked it up, and apparently it’s a myth: In fact, the suicide rate goes down at Christmas. It’s New Year’s Day that’s deadly.
Still, it’s good advice today and every day.
I had planned to celebrate Traditional Jewish Christmas in the traditional style, with sweet-and-sour tofu and egg rolls, except that as you probably heard, France is paralyzed by massive strikes.
Many outside of France think this sounds very glorious: Look at those French workers, standing up for their rights! That’s the way to do it!
Did you realize that the right for which the transport workers are striking is the right to retire when they’re younger than I am on a lifetime pension of 3,705 Euros a month, (that is to say, $4,109 a month, at today’s rate of exchange), which is more than I’ve ever made in a single month in my entire career? And that in the process they’re destroying small business owners and killing jobs up and down the width and breadth of France?
While he lays the tables for lunch, Paris bistrot owner Guillaume Join worries whether anyone will come, as the strikes paralysing public transport in the city enter their third week.
"Normally we have at least 80 lunch sittings a day, but yesterday we had just 12," said Join, whose L'Ecritoire restaurant in the 4th arrondissement has seen sales halved since the protest began on December 5th.
Even the terrace, usually crowded with students hanging out where Charles Baudelaire is said to have presented his lyrical masterpiece Les Fleurs du Mal, is empty.
Did you know the unions refused even to strike a Christmas truce, ensuring that families would be separated for the holidays? Yesterday I nearly started crying for someone on Twitter who reported that his elderly father had called him, weeping, from the train station. He lost his wife last year. He had been hoping a Christmas truce would let him visit his family, but no—he’ll be completely alone for the holidays.
So no, this isn’t a terrific power-to-the-people moment. It’s a sociopathic act of destruction by the privileged, for the privileged.
That’s why this year, my father invited us to go out for a traditional Christmas meal. Usually, it would be impossible to get reservations anywhere in Paris on Christmas at the last minute—and the prices would be absurdly inflated—but this year all the bistros are offering enticing, ridiculously discounted Christmas menus. As of yesterday, every restaurant I checked still had tables free. So we’ll be supporting French workers and celebrating a traditional Christmas. This is exciting!
Good news! I checked, and Seattle is still there. Thank you so much to everyone who’s spending Christmas watching North Korea instead of spending it with their families.
I need to shower and get ready for lunch—so peace on earth, good will toward men, and may all your Egg Foo Yung be bright.